Archive | August, 2012

A little girl and her daddy.

28 Aug

Russell and I bought a new camera! I really didn’t have to bug him long for it… nor did I really bug him at all for it. I just mentioned to him that we really needed a camera to capture special occasions, birthday’s, holiday’s, family vacations, and growth and milestones of our baby girl! It really is an investment. So… we went to Best Buy and picked up the Nikon D3100. It’s awesome! I’m glad we got something some-what fancy and at the same time a camera that is user friendly for beginners, such as myself.

We have been taking all sorts of photos of Lux… this is by far my favorite I took Sunday morning:

Sometimes when Lux is really fussy, crying–and yes, screaming, too… and Russell has been with her she still won’t calm down. Most often than not, I’ll grab her from him and sure enough she’ll stop crying. I know he feels bad sometimes that he can’t console her. But I have to remind him I’m her mommy, and that we’re together 24/7. And sometimes you just need your mama. But then I look at this  photo that I took and I see that the evidence is there…. this little girl sure does love her daddy.

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Doctor’s Appointments All Around…

28 Aug

Today has been rough for all of us over here. I woke up around 5am with excruciating pain which I thought was my pancreas. Many of you know about my gallbladder surgery that resulted in a hospitalization due to pancreatitis when I was 21 a few years back. It isn’t uncommon for me to get flare ups every now and then which result in an ER or Urgent Care visit. I was able to fall back asleep after a few of those attacks, and woke up to feed the baby around 9am again. This time I was having a constant pain. Unfortunately, Lux also had a doctor appointment today, and my sister was suppose to come visit afterwards. I told my mom that I had been experiencing these pains and that they had yet to subside so she offered to take me to Urgent Care while Russell took the baby to her doctor appointment.

Lux’s appointment went wonderfully. She is up to 9 lbs. now! She is in the 50th percentile in all her growth. The doctor was very pleased with her weight gain and growth. I am so proud of her and myself.. because as I talked about here, we were having some minor set backs in the feeding/weight gain department, and I have been struggling with the idea of continuing breast feeding. I’m glad I was able to stick with it, and sure enough, she is getting what she needs to thrive.

My doctor visit at Urgent Care wasn’t filled with good news like baby girl’s was. It turns out my pancreas is doing just fine, but my liver is not. After some blood work was taken they found that my liver enzymes were up to about a 500 count. Normal is 10-30. So you can understand their worry—and mine. They gave me an ultrasound to check out my abdominal region to make sure there were no stones or obstructions causing my liver to become inflamed. Everything looked okay there. So after almost 8 hours of being there… two IV bags, and two shots of demerol in the butt… they sent me home and told me to follow up with a doctor in the next few days. I’m still having bouts of pain, and I’ve decided if I get one more attack like I did this morning, I’m going to the ER. AKA: my second home.

Unfortunately, because I was away from the baby all day we have been forced to feed her formula all day. Also, because I am on some pretty strong pain meds I don’t want to pass that to her. I am a total mess about it. I missed her so much while I was there… and all I kept thinking about is how shitty this situation is. How am I suppose to take care of my baby if I’m sick like this? After all this hard work breastfeeding, it’s just going to fly out the window.

On top of all this, I’m still feeling pretty terrible. I am absolutely exhausted and in pain. But I’m still breathing, and my baby is sleeping in her swing, and I’m watching her as I write this. Trying to stay positive about it all… even though the subject isn’t so on the positive side.

I’m going to cap off this day by finishing off my chicken broth and The Newsroom.

One Month Old

24 Aug

As of yesterday, August 23rd, my baby girl is one month old. I can’t believe it’s already been a month! I have decided to take on a little project; every month for a year, I will be taking pictures of Lux so I can look back and see how much she grew in her first year of life.

Special thank you to my best friend, Megan, for sending me this and inspiring me to do this. Also, another special thank you to my parents for letting me borrow their Canon Powershot SX20 IS for this project. Russell and I don’t have a fancy camera, yet. So I’m forced to borrow theirs for a few hours every month until we can find it in our budget to buy ourselves something nice!

Now, let’s see what’s gone down so far this month:
Doctor visits, a fussy little girl, late night joy rides in the truck to put that fussy little girl to sleep,  mommy losing her phone, family and friends coming to visit, and a whole lot more!

My first night out

19 Aug

Last night, I took my first night out away from the baby. The girls and I went to the Plans for Revenge reunion show at the Rodeo Club. I missed my baby soooo much. I was able to pump enough bottles for her for Russell to feed so I could be out for a few hours. I believe that for my baby to be happy… her mommy needs to be happy. I think it’s important for all mom’s to get out of the house and away from the baby every once in awhile. Nothing is wrong with having a little time to yourself and with some friends every so often.

The show last night was interesting, to say the least. It’s amazing seeing a bunch of people you haven’t seen in almost ten years. I assume it’s what a high school reunion would be like. Obviously, the best part of the night was when Plans played. My favorite part is seeing how happy these guys were on stage playing. I have never seen so many big smiles come from a bunch of guys. You could tell that playing music is what these guys were meant to do–and nothing gives them more pleasure. I love these boys and their music. I really just am so thankful I got to see them play one more time. They really were the soundtrack to my teenage years.

Not the greatest shot, but one from the night, nonetheless. 

We don’t do nights very well

17 Aug

I’ve never done nights very well. The night always brings on anxiety and stress for me. So why should it be any different for Lux?

Around 9pm she awakes from one of her many naps. I feed her and have her burped by 10 and the screaming begins.

We try literally, everything to calm her down. We change her, give her a binky, rock her, swaddle her, put her in a swing, try to feed her again… And she still won’t quit. I’ve even taken her for drives.

This evening I had all about I could take. I’ve been unbelievably tired the last few days. My mom offered for us to come over so she can take her for a few and I could relax. Lux was still screaming.

I knew this wasn’t going to be easy. But jeese, I can’t even begin to describe how hard this is. And I wanted twins…. Bahahahahahahahahaha.

However, when all is said and done and I look at her sweet face I know it’s all worth it. The screaming and crying doesn’t seem so bad because I know I have a healthy and beautiul baby girl.

I have to remind myself to breathe and give myself a break every once in awhile. Also, to know and accept that it’s okay to feel overwhelmed at times. I feel so blessed to have such an amazing partner. He could very well not take such an active role in taking care of our daughter. And of course, I’m lucky to have my mom so close to us and her to be so willing to help out.

Newborn Photos

11 Aug

A few months back, my dear friend, Lindsey, introduced me to her friend from work, Rochelle. Rochelle is also a mommy with the most handsome little baby boy, Hudson. Lindsey and Rochelle both  wanted me to do a maternity shoot, but I was really reluctant. I felt terrible during the last trimester of my pregnancy and I felt as big as a house! We ended up not doing them, but Rochelle sent me a message asking me if I was interested in a newborn photo shoot. Boy, am I glad I had her come over to take these photos. Simply put, the photos are beautiful. I look at these and I still can’t believe this baby is mine. It’s hard to believe that these photos were taken in our tiny one bedroom apartment!!  Here are a few from the shoot:

A huge thank you to Lindsey for introducing me to Rochelle. And again, a huge thank you to, Rochelle, for capturing these photos of my beautiful baby girl. 
If anyone is interested in Rochelle’s work I linked her at beginning of this post. She does engagement photos, weddings, newborns… and I’m sure anything else you want her to–haha. She is very talented at what she does (obviously). Here’s a link to her webpage again, Rochelle Rodriguez Photography

Bringing home a little girl

3 Aug

Well, my little girl is 10 days old today. Sheesh.. it’s unreal. Indescribable.

Adjusting to this new life of mine has been, uh… interesting, to say the least.

I had a pretty big scare the last couple of days… she kept throwing up after a feeding. I was at my mom’s house after the last time she threw up, which was all over me. Thankfully, my mom was there because I started to cry right afterwards. I was so worried about her, exhausted, and just plain overwhelmed. My mom took her from me and cleaned her up, let me clean myself off, and told me to call the doctor. The advice nurse told me we should come in right away since she’d been throwing up like that after some feedings for the last day.

I don’t want to get into too much detail about it all because I’m still worried… as she hasn’t been gaining weight as she should… but since going to the doctor’s I’ve been monitoring how long I feed her and how often. She had her two week growth check up today and her usual pediatrician said to hold her vertical after feedings for a half hour. So, feeding my baby has turned into a full time job… let alone all the other full time mom jobs I gotta do.

I’m still worried. And I go back and forth whether I should switch to formula so she can gain some more weight… but I know that breast feeding is beneficial on so many levels. Plus, I really enjoy feeding her. It’s her and me time.

I’ve been having some weird feelings about meeting up with friends lately. I feel terrible because I know everyone wants to see her, but I don’t feel like sharing at the moment. Part of me worries that I feel like my friendships are changed, indefinitely. Interestingly, I was listening to NPR earlier today and they had someone on who I guess was an advice columnist about relationships. She was describing life with and without children, and she said it perfectly:

There’s your life before children, and then there’s your life after.

I just heard that and kinda felt… I don’t know. No matter how I look at it, my life is forever changed. Does that mean my friendships are too?

Just a side note: If we’re friends, and you have been trying to come by to visit. Don’t take it personally that I tell you no. I really am just trying to adjust to this life of mine. And I am being a bit selfish, I don’t want to share her with everyone just yet. I hope you can all understand that… I’m still learning.

Enough of that… let’s end this post with a really cute baby girl.

Lux and I at the hospital.

Out.

She loves her daddy.

Muahaha.